Saturday, February 09, 2008

A tribute to Multiple Choice Mitt

The week shouldn't pass without a remembrance of Mitt Romney, the presidential contender who shared your values. Always.

You guys are pro-choice? Hey, cool, so is he. Well, I mean, he was. Before he remembered he was passionately pro-life. After hyping his endorsement from a pro-choice group during his run for the Massachusetts governorship. And admitting he was "effectively pro-choice" as recently as 2005.

You're all about supporting equal treatment for gays? Hey, he was even stronger on gay rights than Ted Kennedy. Until he realized he was vehemently against the scourges of gay people being allowed to get marriage licenses or serve in the military.

You say you're from Michigan? Say, what a coincidence, because that's his home state, too. Before it became Massachusetts, of course. And there was that time he was from Utah, too. And that summer house in New Hampshire. And...

Poke fun if you must. But before you bid adieu to Romney, bestow upon him the fulsome praise he deserves for the valuable lessons he shared with a grateful nation before he dropped out of the Republican presidential race this week.

Without Romney, how would you have known that the same person could argue that only "a person of faith" is qualified to be president, then turn around and argue that a candidate should not be elected or rejected due to religion?

Without Romney, how would you have known that someone could oppose "the surrender to terror" by surrendering a presidential campaign that got its clock cleaned on Super Tuesday?

And without Romney, how would you have known that a wealthy businessman could spend $30 million of his own money on a White House bid, only to get trounced at the ballot box and get served in a public battle with a computer-generated snowman?

So farewell to the last (kinda, sorta, maybe) great hope for true American conservatism, whose glory days still must be ahead. After all, if Romney is a loyal GOP soldier and doesn't take any more road trips with the dog on the car roof, John McCain surely will pick him as a running mate to burnish his conservative credentials in the Deep South this fall.

Until he remembers Romney didn't win in those places, either.


Post a Comment

<< Home