Stephen Colbert was right all along

Give a bear an inch and it'll take your Nobel Peace Prize.

Nominally, of course, the award went Friday to former Vice President Al Gore and the United Nations Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change for their "work to raise awareness about global warming." But as we long ago established, global warming is nothing more than an excuse for lazy polar bears that want to deprive us of our dream of oceanfront property in Arizona because they refuse to learn to swim for days on end.

Just imagine how powerful they'd be now if we had let them play the Super Bowl in dry conditions.