2005... Final answer?

Regis Philbin, the greatest hyperactive Irish television personality this side of Conan O'Brien, will fill in for 237-year-old Dick Clark this year as host of Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin' Eve 2005. Clark is still in the hospital after a stroke, which I was unaware androids could have.

"Singer" Ashlee Simpson is still scheduled to appear live during the West Coast portion of the broadcast. By "live," of course, the producers mean she'll be moving her lips near a microphone as sounds of some sort -- perhaps even "music" -- are transmitted over the air waves. Other than that, no promises.