Phone it in

Lt. Gov. Lucy Baxley is calling your house.

OK, maybe not your house. But a bunch of people's houses. And OK, it's not literally her. But it's a pre-recorded message from her to let you know what she believes about a host of issues, many of them primarily federal in nature.

Be not afraid if you hear her lapse into the third person when discussing herself: "When you say Lucy is not specific on promises of what she'll do, contrast that to what others have promised." After all, the other Democratic gubernatorial candidate does that sort of thing, too, and no one's ever made a federal case out of it.

And fear not, BellSouth and Verizon users. Just a few days after the USA Today story that said those companies, along with AT&T, shared your calling records with the NSA, and just as class-action lawsuits have begun to flow like wine, they've denied ever doing any such thing. So take comfort in the knowledge that the federal government probably won't know that Lucy called you, and just stop, you know, thinking about it at all.