Still not as good as a wall

Jefferson County's sheriff, who made headlines last week for paying a moving company to haul off hundreds of sweepstakes machines from Birmingham's dog track, now plans to institute a computer database to track illegal immigrants' identities, homes, and activities. It will include "legally obtained information" about the county's noncitizens, which will be shared with federal immigration agents, who have been known to have noncitizens deported from time to time.

If you're an otherwise law-abiding illegal immigrant in the Birmingham area who wants a database entry all your own, simply fall victim to a crime and report it to your friendly neighborhood deputy. With your help, Alabama can secure its foreign borders.