Rudy, Rudy, Rudy...

Comforting news has already begun to emerge for those of us who deeply hope Bush will use his second term to become the kind of president he promised to be during the 2000 campaign.

Attorney General John Ashcroft, who famously and unforgettably lost an election to a dead man in Missouri, is very likely to resign before Inauguration Day. Ashcroft's aides, in classic political fashion, cite "health problems" as the justification for the move. Other problems not mentioned include "showing prosecutors how to use the Patriot Act's borderline unconstitutional antiterrorism provisions to take down everyday offenders" and "making a really big deal out of a bare breast on a statue." But I'm sure those things had nothing to do with it.

So who should replace our favorite overzealous Patriot Act enforcer? How about this guy? Rudolph Giuliani is a well-liked, pro-choice Republican moderate who supports gay rights and who was the nation's de facto public pillar of strength in the hours after the Sept. 11, 2001, attacks. Plus, he cleaned up New York City, and if you don't like that, he'll hit you in the face with a bat.

Just make him AG and back away slowly.