Open letter

Dear black people,

Sorry about that whole "took no action for decades as mobs beat and killed thousands of your loved ones" thing. Please accept our institutional apology in the form of this symbolic resolution.

Oh, and sorry that our online records show a fifth of our members hadn't yet attached their names to the resolution as co-sponsors by the time it passed on a voice vote Monday night, including U.S. Sen. Richard Shelby, R-Ala.; both of Mississippi's senators; and neither senator from New Hampshire, where no recorded lynching incidents occurred. But you know, four out of five of us signing on by then ain't bad, no matter what that serial flip-flopper says.

Say, this contrition feels good. And hey, who knows? One day, we may even apologize for allowing your ancestors to be bought and sold as property. We probably should work on that.

Just not today. We're kinda busy.

Sincerely yours,
The United States Senate