Just shake the money tree

Hey, Average Joe, you've always had a good heart and a good head on your shoulders. Have you ever considered running for a seat in the Alabama Legislature to try to create a brighter future for your fellow citizens?

Really? You will? Great! Oh, hey, do you and your pals have the afternoon free to make a few fund-raising phone calls? Because, I mean, everyone else is starting today, too, and I'd hate for you to fall behind. Yeah, I know they need you at work, but can't you just take a sick day? Come on; this is really important.

OK, you will? Awesome! Now we're on our way! Oh, yeah, one other thing I forgot to mention: Depending on where you live, you might need to gather, say, $1 million or so to be competitive.

All right, buddy, go give 'em hell!