He wasn't going to win anyway

Robby Gordon never planned to race in the Indianapolis 500 today, but that didn't stop him from drawing our attention to an important problem: Those uppity womenfolk have an unfair racing advantage because they weigh less.

I, for one, am outraged, and I hereby demand that the NBA stop the Eastern Conference finals until I reach the 7-foot mark and get a fair chance to hold Dwyane Wade under 40 points.